Get Bit by the Keep in Touch Bug

Keeping in touch with friends can be difficult, especially when distance is an obstacle. Interaction is what keeps a relationship alive, but who says it has to be face to face interaction. If you can commit to keeping touch with friends even when they don't live close by, you'll find a world of ways to help you keep your commitment. Here are a few suggestions:

A Phone Call Away
Your friends are just a phone call away. You don't have to talk every day to stay friends and keep in touch. Some friendships will stay alive with a phone call once a week, some with once a month and some friendships will stay alive with a phone call every six months or so. Figure out what works for you and your friends and make a priority to keep in touch. If you can't get a hold of your friends, leave a message and let them know you care. They will call you back. The nice thing about phones these days is that almost everyone has one, and it is usually a cell. Most cell phone plans have some sort of text messaging, so if you aren't the talk on the phone type, send your friends a text letting them know you are thinking about them. A couple of minutes of your time once a month to call your friends isn't much to ask of yourself and if you really want to keep your friends, it will totally be worth it.

Pony Express Lives On
You would hardly know it with the advent of the internet, but the post system is still in place and the mail man still deliver six times a week. If you don't have time to call your friends, how about dropping them a note in the mail? There is something about getting a card or letter in the mail that just isn't the same from any other quarter. If you want to keep in touch with your long-distance friends, send them a card occasionally. When there is a special occasion coming up like their birthday, anniversary, or Christmas, you don't have to be there to stay friends. You can send them small gifts in the mail or shop online and have it delivered, gift-wrapped and all, right to their door. A note or small gift in the mail says miles about your friendship when you can't be there for them.
Get it Together
Long-distance friends stay friends best when they are able to get together periodically. Plan a once-a-year get together with long-distance friends. Go camping, spend a day together at a theme park, or plan an adventure, but do something that you will all like and that will strengthen the bonds of your friendship. Together time is bonding time, and that's what friends do who stay friends.

The Online Miracle
With the advent of the internet, staying friends has become easy as pie. Email, IM, Social networking, blogs, and personal websites have not only been a part of a technological revolution, but also of a friendship revolution. Most everything online is free, so not only is it easy to stay friends with people over a distance, but inexpensive too. The online tools available make is easy to keep and touch and stay friends, so take advantage of it and set aside time once a week or once a month to update your blog (or Facebook page) with what's happening in your life and read and comment about what's happening with your friends.

Helping family members after a death in the family

After a loved one dies, it can be very hard for people to deal with their death. Many people rely heavily on family members to help them get through the death of a loved one. If you plan to help family members, deal with the death of a loved one the first thing that you need to be aware of is that people grieve in different ways, which can be normally and abnormally. Family members who have just recently lost a loved one are going to require a lot of support. Once the funeral and burial has been completed, you are going to need to focus on helping family members deal with the loss.

Here are some steps to follow to help family members deal with the loss of a loved one.
Step one:
There is no set way to deal with the loss of a loved one; people are going to grieve in different ways. There is no set period that people must grieve or how they are supposed to grieve. You do need to be aware of the fact that when a close family member dies it is going to be a life-changing event. A close family member, such as a parent, is going to cause deeper grief than a family member down the lineage does. How your family deal with the death of a family member is going to vary partly based on your religious affiliation. Talk to your officiate at church to see what your religion suggests for helping family members deal with the loss of a loved one.
Step two:
The first thing that you are going to feel when dealing with the loss of a loved one is that you feel like your world has ended. What you need t help family members do is to learn how to readjust their lives to deal with the death of the loved one; they need to readjust their life without having that person in it. There is no specific time as to how long it is going to take you to get used to the idea of not having that person in your life, but it will happen one day. Feelings of guilt, anger, shame, helplessness, regret, sleeplessness, and anxiousness are all normal reactions and can be expected from a family member. You will need to seek help for a family member if they are having uncontrollable anger or ideas about harming themselves or others.
Step three:
If you are helping a child deal with the death of a loved one you want to avoid telling them that the person was ill and had to go to Heaven. The reason for this is that the child will start associating illness with death, which can cause more damage later on in life. Telling them that the person is sleeping is also something to avoid because you are associating a normal activity with death. You need to explain to the child in words that they can understand different ages can grasp different concepts, about what has happened. If they are old enough to understand death, it can help them to attend the funeral because it helps bring closure to the process.
Step four:
One way to ease the pain of losing a loved one is to talk to family members or close friends. This talking helps increase your acceptance of life without that person in it. Be there for your family members so that they have somebody to talk with.
Step five:
There are numerous support groups available for people who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. You need to talk to your family members about joining support group to help talk about the pain and suffering that you are felling about the death of the loved one.
Just remember that it is your job to be there for your loved ones when they are suffering from the loss of a family member. If you are there for them, they will be there for you.

How involved should your in-laws be in your marriage?

It is often said that when you get married, you marry a family, not just a person. For some couples, this is more true than with others and they find themselves dealing with in-laws who want to be involved with every aspect of their lives.

While it is definitely helpful to have the support of your in-laws when it comes to your marriage, many people struggle with setting boundaries regarding how involved your in-laws should be in your marriage.
The following tips are a few do's and don'ts that will help you determine how involved your in-laws should be in your marriage and what you can do if you feel they are overstepping their bounds.

• Don't involve your in-laws in your fights. You should never involve your parents or your spouse's parents in the fights and squabbles you have as a married couple. These are personal between you and your spouse. Not only that, but there are two sides to every story, and your spouse isn't there to give his or her side. Marital fights tend to blow over and couples forgive each other, but turning to your parents because you are upset with your spouse only leads them to resent and dislike your spouse long after you have forgiven and moved on.
• Do be friends with your in-laws. It's possible to have good adult friendships with people of different generations and even with in-laws. Work to maintain a friendly relationship with your in-laws, but steer clear of touchy subjects that many in-laws want to give advice about but should be dealt with as a couple only, such as financial issues, raising children, and trust issues.
• Do set boundaries. If you don't like your in-laws dropping in every day just to "check up" on things, or if you think they are calling too late, or giving unwarranted advice about grandkids, let them know in a polite way that your home is not open to them at all hours, or that if you want their advice, you will seek them out.
• Don't say anything out of anger. If you have a problem with your in-laws and their involvement in your marriage, or if they are meddling in a very personal aspect of your marriage, telling them in a nice way to back off often has a more successful outcome when done by the spouse to his or her parents, rather than you.
• Do be independent. With the economy in the state that it is, many couples have turned to their parents or in-laws for help. When you live in the same home as your in-laws, or you accept their offer of free babysitting while you work, you are in a way setting yourself up and can expect a higher level of involvement than if you maintained your independence as a couple.
• Don't criticize. Even after marriage, a spouse feels loyalty to his or her family or marriage. Avoid saying mean things about your in-laws, as this will only force your spouse to take sides or resent you. Instead, have a calm talk about how their involvement bothers you, and ask them to speak with your in-laws about it.

Your in-laws can be a great source of support in your marriage. However, they can also cause tension if they become too involved. These are a few things you can do to maintain a good relationship with your in-laws without them becoming too involved.

Comedian Todd Barry

Medium Energy: Comedian Todd Barry creates high comedy with a low-key approach.

 Todd Barry

You’ll be forgiven for not knowing comedian Todd Barry by name, but chances are you’ve seen him without realizing it.

Renowned for his low-key, deadpan speaking style, the New York City native is a modern-day Zelig; he’s popped up as an actor on any number of hip shows over the past couple decades. He’s done small roles on Sex and the City and The Larry Sanders Show, and provided voice work for Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist. More recently, he was Mickey Rourke’s deli boss in The Wrestler, and played “Todd,” a bongo player who joined Flight of the Conchords and tried to change the band’s name to The Crazy Dogggz.

While Barry’s hangdog persona has helped his acting resume continue growing, he remains most comfortable as a stand-up. He’s been doing comedy for nearly 25 years, and will be making his first appearance in Utah Monday.

It won’t be his first time visiting the state, though. “I hosted something for the Sundance Channel in 1999. It was me and Allison Anders co-hosting from the festival’s opening night party,” Barry relayed via e-mail from a tour stop in Australia. “I remember seeing, and liking, The Blair Witch Project. They also gave me a gigantic hotel room. And I also got to meet Robert Redford. He probably doesn’t remember.”

That’s Redford’s loss, because Barry is a wickedly funny fellow, whether taking hipster New Yorkers down a notch for protesting the arrival of a Manhattan Kmart (“We hate you Kmart, you and your affordable products!”) or reflecting on shopping at the mall.

“The Body Shop? They should call this place Last Minute Thoughtless Gift Warehouse,” Barry says on his Medium Energy album. “You could be asleep and shop there. Grapefruit Body Wash? ‘Well, my sister eats grapefruit. And she bathes.’ Done. Total shopping time: nine seconds.”

If one were to walk into a Barry show without knowing him, you might hear his low-key vocal style and think he comes from the “woe is me” Rodney-Dangerfield school of comedy. Listen to what he’s saying, though—whether skewering the idea of sharing a bill with Sugar Ray or laughing at the thought of Suzanne Vega touring with Jethro Tull—and you realize he’s cut from the same hipster cloth as much of his audience.

He’s performed sets at music festivals like South by Southwest, and will do a show at the Sasquatch Festival later this spring. His peers are fellow New Yorkers Eugene Mirman, Sarah Silverman and Louis CK, and he’s been pulled on stage by Yo La Tengo to go to work on the bongos with the New Jersey indie-rock heroes. In other words, Barry is one hip cat, and he’ll let you know that in no uncertain terms over the course of a performance.

Like many comics, Barry got into standup via open-mic comedy nights, in his case when he was studying English at the University of Florida. It was 1987, “during the big ‘comedy boom’ of the ’80s.”

“There were comedy clubs everywhere,” Barry recalls. “You could pretty much call up and say you wanted to do five minutes, and a few days later you’d be onstage in front of a decent-sized crowd. I watched a few open-mics and just got the urge to try it. Then I never really stopped.”

Within a few years, Barry was a popular guest on Letterman and Conan, eventually landing his own Comedy Central half-hour special. In 1998, he won the jury award for stand-up at the U.S. Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, and shortly thereafter released his first album, Medium Energy—a nod to his approach on stage.

Decades ago, comedy albums by the likes of Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby would regularly top the sales charts, but now they act more as a calling card for a comedian’s live shows. “I think a CD helps get the word out about your comedy, although I have no idea how many people download the CDs illegally. I’m guessing a lot,” Barry says.

Still, he recalls the influence listening to comedy albums had as a kid. “I listened to comedy albums a lot when I was younger. Some of my favorites were Steve Martin, Sam Kinison, George Carlin. I also had a Martin Mull 8-track tape that I played constantly.”

Since his debut, Barry’s released two more live shows on CD, Falling Off the Bone (2004) and From Heaven (2008). They make for fine snapshots of his act, but don’t expect to hear too many older jokes at his show Monday. Barry is constantly working on new material, and he does it without a net, onstage and in front of a crowd.

“I generally think of an idea and just try to work it out on stage,” Barry says. “It’s not really easy for me to sit down and formulate a whole joke without getting feedback from an audience.”

Marcus

Serious Comedy: Former second-to-Last Comic Standing Marcus is set to bite The Hand That Feeds.

Photo by Jessica Perry // Marcus

  Marcus talks about his stint on NBC’s Last Comic Standing as if it happened a decade ago. It was only 2008—but in comedy years, that’s a lifetime.

“It’s weird to think that it’s just been two years since the TV show,” the tattooed comedian says. “Every day, I’m just fighting to stay relevant. People run into me all the time and say, ‘Hey, aren’t you the guy from Last Comic Standing? What are you doing now?’ I’m still a comedian, touring all over the country—but if they don’t see me, it’s not real. This is my opportunity to put something out there I’m proud of.”

That “something” is a new comedy concert Marcus is filming at Kingsbury Hall on May 19. He’s calling it The Hand That Feeds, the follow-up to his post-LCS special of two years ago, the cockily titled Second to None.

After the hard-working West Jordan comedian finished second on the Season 6 finale of Last Comic Standing in the summer of ’08, offers trickled in for a stand-up special. Rather than traveling to either coast to slap together a cookie-cutter hour (such as those ubiquitous Comedy Central Presents specials), he assembled a pro camera team and put together his own live taping in Ogden by fall. As it turned out, Marcus and his film crew had the ambition and technical chops—Second to None looked like an HBO-quality concert special—but the network suits thought he was still a bit green.

“When we did Second to None, Barry Katz—the manager of Dane Cook and other comics—was there for the live taping,” Marcus recalls. “When it was done, he said ‘I gotta have it.’ He took the show to Comedy Central, who said ‘He’s not ready; he needs more time.’ Looking back on it, I know exactly what they meant. There wasn’t enough ‘me’ in the comedy. … I needed a couple of more years to tour, to grow and go through some stuff.”

After one more year of touring, growing and stuff-going-through, Comedy Central called back for a progress report: “They asked, ‘Where’s Marcus at now?’ We said we could put together a little taping, show what I’m doing now. We did Wiseguys on a Sunday—there were about 26 people there, and we filmed an hour and a half of me onstage and sent it off. They got it and said ‘That’s what we want.’” But, it wasn’t all good news: “They wanted to work with me, but they weren’t buying any outside product. They said I’d have to come to New York and let them film me.

“I’d been working my ass off for a year trying to make something they’d be interested in,” Marcus says. “But I’ve seen Comedy Central Presents specials. They don’t know the beats, the rhythms—I’ve written a two-hour show, and they’d just cram it into an hour with commercials. Editing comedy—editing anything—is hard. I said, ‘What if I finance, selfproduce, edit and deliver a final product?’ Why not give them a quality, finished product shot in a room with 2,000 people?”

Which brings Marcus to the daunting task of filling Kingsbury Hall in advance. Utah is notoriously a walk-up audience; unless you’re the Jazz, events rarely sell out ahead of time.

“The waiting for the tickets to sell is stressing me out,” he says, the weeks of relentless promotion beginning to show on his brow. “I wanted to do something here in Utah. If this is the one that makes it on TV and breaks big, people will get to say, ‘I was a part of that.’ “NBC used to fill the Last Comic Standing tapings with paid models, taking up the first rows. I want my fans … I want it to be real.”

Logistics aside, The Hand That Feeds will feature a more “real” Marcus, a performer who’s learned that personalization connects more than sensationalism.

“As a comic … [he pauses, weighing his next statement] I’ve grown. I don’t have to bounce off of the walls. It’s more about the jokes than the presentation, and the pauses and small moments. This will be a two-and-a-half-hour special, and there will be some material that I’m doing only for the filming.”

After The Hand That Feeds (which will also be his last Utah appearance of 2010), Marcus goes back to the road and the all-too-serious business of being funny for a living.

“Celebrities go dancing and kids sing karaoke on TV, and they’re on the cover on Rolling Stone,” Marcus laughs. “A guy goes on a reality show to find a girlfriend, and he’s on the cover of People. Comics—some great comics—go on television and perform material that they wrote, crafted and have been working on for years … and no one gives a shit. It baffles me. People in Los Angeles do it as a bridge, waiting for their next acting gig. I say, what’s wrong with being a great comedian? Comedy needs to be given respect.”

How to deal with a manipulative sibling

Manipulative siblings are after one thing, they seek to control everything around them. If you have a manipulative sibling, you need to learn how to deal with them right away because any relationship that involves manipulation is headed for trouble. Your mental and emotional health depends on you recognizing and dealing with a manipulative sibling.

The first thing that you are going to need to do is to identify manipulative behaviors, which can be hard because manipulators are very good at what they do, controlling others. How they are going to go about controlling people is going to vary, but the end goal is to get you to do what they want you to do. Some of the more common tactics that you will find manipulators using are threats, flattery, demeaning you, or making your feel guilty. They can also keep you guessing by alternating between a lot of attention and charm and coldness or anger. One of the signs that you can look for that you are dealing with a manipulative sibling is feeling stressed or resentful towards your sibling.
Next, you are going to need to look into how you have been playing into your manipulative sibling's hands. You want to sit down and create a list of things that you have done or not done that were designed to please your manipulative sibling. You also want to note how you felt at the time, stressed, happy, sad, resentful, etc. After creating the list, you will need to look at the actions that were taken by the manipulative sibling to see what buttons of yours they were pushing. For example, if you are a giving and caring person, your sibling might say that you are selfish and cold just to get you to act the way they want you too.
Many times people make excuses for their manipulative sibling's behavior, which is something that needs to stop. You need to stop making excuses for their behavior because that only enables them to continue with the behavior. For example, if you are blaming their behavior on their unhappy childhood you are just giving them an excuse. The manipulator uses these excuses, as a part of their manipulative strategy, so be wary of anybody who plays the victim regularly. Something else to watch out for is generous offers of help, money, time, etc. To manipulators these gifts always have strings attached, they are going to expect something in return, no matter how much they say otherwise.
You are going to need to distance yourself from your manipulative sibling, which in some cases is not easy to do. You are also going to need to start asserting yourself and telling your sibling no to their manipulative demands, just make sure you are doing it calmly and rationally. One way to start asserting yourself is to establish and maintain boundaries with your manipulative sibling, distance yourself emotionally so that you can effectively deal with their manipulative comments and behaviors.
Manipulators often tell lies and half-truths to get the things that they want. What you can do to help deal with your manipulative sibling is to challenge those lies and half-truths. Make sure that when you are arguing back with your manipulative sibling that you use logic rather than emotion. In some cases, it will be easier to end the argument by agreeing to disagree, just never back down from your position. You might even have to repeat yourself numerous times until your manipulative sibling will back off.
You will need to be prepared for your manipulative sibling to escalate their behavior in response to what you are doing. The reason for this is that they simply can't give up control without a fight. Your manipulative sibling will probably say many mean and hurtful things to try and get your to change your mind, but you cannot back down. You need to stand firm, don't get defensive and don't take the bait. In some cases, your manipulative sibling will see the errors of their ways and will learn to appreciate the benefits of a more equitable relationship.

Orion Independent Music Festival

Starry Nights: New music festival hunts for talent.

 

Park City is widely known for hosting one of the most popular festivals around, so much so that the ski town has become nearly synonymous with independent film. Salt Lake City musician Steffen Olsen thinks that’s all fine and good, but what about the music?

Like many artistic/business ventures, Olsen’s drive to create the Orion Independent Music Festival stems from a general disappointment with the status quo. The six-day event serves as response to a profit-driven music industry churning out sub-par talent while ignoring truly gifted artists for the sake of Top 40 demand. OIMF will take place on a stretch of land where, just weeks later, Uggs-clad celebs will scurry to crowded screenings and fetes.

“Main Street in Park City is perfect for this because the venues are so close to each other. It’s easy to hop around from one to the next; you can easily see several bands in one night,” explains Hilary Reiter, festival PR director. “Plus, Park City also has a history of hosting world-class events.”

Organizers also reached out to a handful of Salt Lake City’s venues, including the Woodshed which will host festival showcases on Jan. 14 and 17.

According to Reiter, Orion’s mission is to push independent artists forward by enabling them to better use the free resources already at their fingertips, such as the Internet, or to help get them some major-record-label awareness—more than 20 industry professionals will be in town scouting. The problem, as the festival creators see it, is that so much of the way the music industry works these days promotes “pre-packaged, pre-fabricated pop music; there really is nothing organic about it. Orion’s focus is on artists that are touring on their own, recording on their own and are really genuinely passionate about the type of music they choose to write and perform.”

Even though this is the inaugural year, Orion’s eclectic lineup is encouraging. The schedule features more than 50 artists specializing in a wide range of musical styles, ranging from hip-hop and country to indie and R&B, with many performers traveling from Australia, Chili, Canada and Sweden. Of course, there will be plenty of American musicians on hand, as well, including a number of homegrown acts: Ogden’s Shaney McCoy (pictured above) and Salt Lake City’s Mana Poly All-Stars, Kettlefish and self-described “musical joke gone wrong,” The Sweater Friends, among others.

“There’s way more local talent than the festival could incorporate,” says Reiter. “And although we do have quite a few local acts, we definitely wanted to have as many national and international artists as possible to broaden the festival’s scope. It was also very important to have the widest geographical diversity we could to legitimize the festival. On that note, I see the international side of this growing next year and the year after, with more and more really talented artists getting the opportunity to be discovered.”

Olsen is also not too shy to admit that what he wants is a revolution within the music industry. His goal is to change the way things work on a level akin to MP3s virtually making CDs obsolete. “Music is on the cusp of a revolution, thanks to the Internet empowering the independent artist with the ability to self-promote,” he says.
Orion, therefore, is simply a festival forum to provide that next essential step for the truly independent artistic musician to reach success.